Article by Anonymous Stonewater Student
I pulled into Stonewater Ranch planning to have a “God moment”. I grabbed mustang Hondo from the pasture and led him into the arena where I tied him, brushed him, and let him loose. I sent him out on a circle but had to get after him to get him going the right way.
I began to get flustered—this was not how I’d wanted the training to go. I wanted him to do everything perfectly. I wanted a magical moment where Hondo and I were totally connected.
I asked him to come towards me, but he stood his ground. I desperately wanted him to come to me and use the freedom I’d given him to choose me. I sent him out on another circle and when I asked him in, he once again refused. I tried a few more times with the same result. Frustrated and disappointed, I sat down on the mounting block and let my thoughts wander into the past.
This day marked the end of the first year of my life without abuse. I wanted the day to be magical. Instead, I was crying because the horse I love wouldn’t come to me. I thought about how God wants me to walk towards him with no strings attached. All year God opened doors and led me to new places. But I hadn’t chosen to walk towards God. If he leads me, I follow; but when he calls me toward him, I freeze.
I realized there was warmth over my shoulder; Hondo stood behind me waiting for me to pet him. I turned around and leaned my head against his.
I need to accept that abuse no longer has a place in my life. God leads me through new trials, and I can follow in peace and safety. The day didn’t go as I’d planned, but it became what I needed.