Right now I am sitting in the stands watching the Non Pro Finals at the NRCHA Futurity. This is not exactly where I was hoping, or even planning to be a week ago. I have had a really successful year. Sometimes I forget the fact that in a particular horse show only about one third of the people at the event walk away with a paycheck. If I look around in the stands right now I can see at least fifteen of my fellow non pros who had nice horses and good goes in at least one of the events.
The Snaffle Bit Futurity has three events and it is very tough to show even the best three-year-old in all three. At every level of horse showing this is the case. It is pretty easy to feel good or be positive if you are one of the top performers in a class. But every time a class is placed, about a third of the competitors are happy and the rest have to evaluate their progress.
It is very rarely a clear-cut answer. For example, my horse kicked out in the reining portion of the SBF resulting in a 5 point penalty per judge and a hole I couldn’t climb out of to make the finals. It didn’t matter that I had done fine in the herd work. It is easy to blame the horse in that case, and maybe she was just naughty, but she dragged her butt and turned around nice. Whose fault was it? Should I have loped her more before I showed her?
None of that is as important as how I dealt with the fact that I was out of the race. I will admit I didn’t take it very lightly. I had a horse I believed in and felt really ready. I like to think of myself as being mentally tough, but for some reason when I knew I couldn’t make the finals, I lost confidence and just couldn’t be my own source of light.
I wanted confirmation that I had done well despite the kick out. I looked for support from a friend I really respect and received criticism. What I desperately needed was a kind word or a pat on the back. That encounter with my friend devastated me. The worst part of all is that I let the disappointment spill over into showing my bridle horses.
I don’t often try to offer advice myself, but in this particular case I feel experienced. My mother, a perpetual optimist and a loyal supporter, brought home a book from the thrift store called 12 Simple Secrets of Happiness by Glenn Van Ekeren. Typically I scoff at her attempts to enrich my life, but I was actually upset enough that I sat down, read it and found that some of the advice really helped me. My next thought was to share some of what I learned with you.
Every person, owner, spectator, non-pro and open rider alike, has suffered from the disappointment of unmet expectations. It is amazing how fast the feeling of hope can vanish and be replaced with self-doubt. At the moment of disillusionment it is very rare that criticism will have a beneficial result.
It is important that we learn to minimize the blow of harsh criticism and work to improve our ability to take it graciously, not allowing it into our emotional center. Most of us are extremely self critical, and even the best suffer from feelings of inadequacy.
Van Ekeren says, “A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than a whole load of praise after a success.” I don’t think I realized how important a timely kind word could be until I needed one myself. Our own experiences with broken dreams should increase our sensitivity to how others feel when they meet the same heartbreak.
In past columns I have been trying to give you all the encouragement to go out and keep trying to remind you that everyone has been where you are. But today I want to remind you to help give someone else hope. At those low moments everyone needs someone who cares enough to pick them up and remind them of their great attributes. They may never reach that particular goal, but they will always remember the person who was there to help them get back on track.
Tragedy Hits the Futurity: Carrie Abbona Passes Away
Carrie Abbona, from Lindsay, California, was injured while competing in the NRCHA Snaffle Bit Futurity Non Pro Cow Work Preliminaries on Tuesday, September 26. She passed away on Wednesday evening.
The family has asked the NRCHA to thank everyone for their support and prayers.
Donations to defray expenses for the Abbona family and to create a youth memorial in Carrie's honor are being accepted through the National Reined Cow Horse Foundation. To contribute, call the NRCHA Office at (580) 759-4949 or email nrcha@nrcha.com for more information.
